oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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