Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
where are my eyebrows?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
