he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
