and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
