In the future we'll all be gay
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
