I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
