PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
