I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
