CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
