just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
