wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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