Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
