I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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