dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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