Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
You can't special order awesome
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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