I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
