I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
