you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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