I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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