Can i not drive my cunt home
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
