What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
