If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
