Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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