Where did you get a picture of my penis
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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