wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my shit smells like andre
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
