Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
She's like a pop up book from hell.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
