i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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