she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
