I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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