Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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