i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
