I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
