my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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