Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
