NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
