I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
