she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you win again, gameday.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
