I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
