apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
