Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
