come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
