new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
