i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
