I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I got inside last night via doggy door
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
