So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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