Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize