Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
