there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
