so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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