You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
