chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
