i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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