I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
