Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
