she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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