you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
MIDGETS
????
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
