i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
FUCK WHALES
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
