i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
